What does your office desk say about you?
Have you ever looked around at the people who work in your office? I mean, really looked at them and their office desk? The immediate environment can tell you a lot about the people that you are working with. Check out the following types of people who work in an office. The information contained in this article bears no significance to any real people (we assume…) and is meant for humour only.
THE OFFICE DESK & IT’S OWNERS
DESK AREA: Computer. Keyboard. Mouse. Done.
WORK METHODS: Does not speak or share screen info with anyone. Colleagues know nothing about their life outside of the office. Least likely to attend work social events and Christmas parties.
SPECIALIST AREA: looking for another job online whilst at work
HOME FROM HOME (/ office desk from home)
DESK AREA: a virtual ‘Pinterest’ of people and events from the desk owner’s personal life. From photos to mouse mat to snow globe: This desk tells you everything about the owner apart from what they actually do at work.
WORK METHODS: Checking Facebook, posting selfies on Instagram, Tweeting, ordering from Amazon and Etsy, Shopping for Christmas, birthdays and events, paying bills online, writing their memoirs, doodling, researching (non-work related), reading (non-work related)… you get the picture.
SPECIALIST AREA: ‘enhancing your aura at work’.
DESK AREA: rivalled only by a branch of Currys: Helpdesk is covered with every conceivable piece of technology that is available to man (all running off one single desk power module. 3 monitors, 2 keyboards and an abundance of decorative LED lights. Most likely to cause the WiFi to crash due to number of devices using it.
WORK METHODS: does not require breaks or lunch as does not eat. Drinks only Monster. Is constantly automating online processes at work, developing the company’s online presence and playing video games when no one is looking.
SPECIALIST AREA: Fortnite
CLUTTERED (office desk)
DESK AREA: Desk undiscovered for several months. Protected by National Heritage due to the identification of 5 new species of plant. Most likely to force the entire business to close due to GDPR infringements and fire risk.
WORK METHODS: Is involved in every project that the business is working on despite not being able to deliver on their existing workload. Most likely to arrive early and leave late although not through the love of the job.
SPECIALIST AREA: Extensive knowledge of the price and stats of all local coffee shops
DESK AREA: contains all the normal pieces of equipment that an office desk requires, supplemented with several types of tissue, sprays, balms, creams and Lemsip. A thin veil of dust has settled over everything on this desk. When the computer is switched on, it will most likely be obsolete and require replacing.
WORK METHODS: not applicable. Has been on long term sick for some time now.
SPECIALIST AREA: Office first aider.
DESK AREA: Items arranged according to the rules of Feng Shui. Includes bonsai tree, tropical fish tank, strategically placed magnets, electric chair massager, ambience whale-song,
WORK METHODS: will engage with any work project that adds to positive karma and does not include negative energy. Will not stick to any deadline set and will meditate on any new client proposals for at least a week.
SPECIALIST AREA: Dealing with complaints
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